Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
