discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
soo... how was my night?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
