That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We are all done wearing pants today
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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