I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I queefed so loud it echoed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
