Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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