Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
