I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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