Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
