Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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