he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
