batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
