Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
