I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
NoShamevember. You game?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
