Me too!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
