I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
