that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Let's get the cat blown out
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
