Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
