Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
