I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
