I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
