i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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