I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
