My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
