We're facebook friends in real life
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
