He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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