It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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