He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think my vagina is haunted
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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