Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
