Don't you send me to vm
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How does it feel to date your dad?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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