If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
