Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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