i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
