i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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