Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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