Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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