she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
