I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
