My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
