there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
this will be a night to untag.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
