It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
