I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
