just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
