proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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