Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
