the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
