Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
