ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
