If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
