I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
