worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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