wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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