Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
