She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Randomize
