It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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