R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
