Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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