theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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