im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
