i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
