He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
