So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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