You really coming over, don't trick.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
