WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
