I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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