Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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