My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
