His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
