I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
