imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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