ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
