Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize