I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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