woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
